If my procrastination had it’s own facebook profile, it’s relationship status would read ‘it’s complicated’.
I’ve had more thoughts on feeling (see a few posts down >).
Reflecting on why I haven’t done a blog post on my website for over 6 months, my knee jerk response was to cane myself (metaphorically) with thoughts of ‘Tanya, you are lazy!’ ‘Tanya, you are not very good at this are you!’ ‘Tanya, will you ever get your shit together!?’
But those thoughts just simply aren’t true. Upon deeper reflection, I catalogue what has happened in my life over the past 6 months and what it is that I have been ‘doing’. >>
Five months ago I found out one of my dear loved one’s has metastasized cancer, I have supported another loved one through being a carer, my eldest son moved out of home and I experienced the vacuum of empty nest, my husband had a minor heart attack and I went back to paid employment as an OT after 11 years working from home/raising kids. At the same time, I’m keeping house (poorly I might add), raising two boys who do the usual sibling fighting and meltdowns, one of whom is particularly spirited and experiences anxiety and also running my own Therapy Practice & Art Business.
So I come back to the word ‘procrastination’ and decide it’s not really the right fit. ‘Avoidance’ is probably more accurate, interspersed with a little ‘Living Fatigue’.
So when it comes to feeling and specifically procrastinating on our next moves or action; there can be a flip side to my previous post about keeping away from feeling because we can’t afford to crumble or be vulnerable… It can also sometimes be a form of self preservation. Preserving what little energy we have left, because we HAVE been feeling too much for too long. Life has thrown at us an intensity of feeling for an extended period of time. The stress of life has not been coming at us in small measured shots. It’s been pummelling us. So sometimes our ‘procrastination’ or ‘avoidance’ is a very valid response from us internally, to bring our world back into balance. Sometimes we are not mean’t to do it all, be all, be ‘on’, all of the time. Sometimes, we just need to throw ourselves an immense amount of self compassion and take a breather.
So that’s ^^, what’s been happening on/to my blog. I took a breather because life has been banging at me hard. And I’m okay with that. x
ps. this, and my last ramblings became great blogging fodder, so I am back in the bloggers saddle! 🙂