I was admonishing my two and a half year old whilst simultaneously cleaning sudocream (zinc bum cream) off his hands, his toys and the floor, as well as trying to keep his other hand away from his pooey bottom whilst also cleaning said bottom. In between daydreaming about all the things I feel so inspired to paint after starting Kelly Rae’s course, thoughts of reality kept interjecting…you need to vacuum the floor as our house guests have just left and the place is trashed, you need to get that washing on the line before it rains, order a new gas bottle, finish off the quilt for a customer, finish off a ruffle play suit for a customer, finish your family portrait painting, pay the bills, text & email friends back, organize your mammogram appointment and breast cyst aspiration, make the kids lunch, fit in a walk, get the treatment room ready for your patient tonight…the list goes on and on…
How on earth does creativity get time to play? Now, I am not begrudging my role as a mother as I feel incredibly blessed and privileged to be one, however, how do you balance it all and still find time for yourself? I read other people’s facebook pages and blogs and find myself feeling very inadequate. I think that I must not be very good at prioritizing or organizing my time.
How do you manage it all? What is the secret? I would be VERY interested to know!
But in the meantime, it goes like this…woken by two very active, small boys before sunlight, squeeze my sore, weary eyes closed shut as I lay in bed with my boys, hoping against hope they too will drift back off to sleep, drag myself through the morning making sleep deprivation-induced poor motivation decisions about what I put in my mouth and the instructions I yell to my kids on behaving, I complete what housework I have the energy to complete whilst running around in circles after my kids as they destroy the place. I get a bit of computer time and a cuppa when they nap for an hour after lunch and then it all starts again until dinner time. My patience wears thin as I speed read a book to my kids, do the ritual of bed tuck in’s/’get back into bed & be quiet’ yelling and then I clean the kitchen, make a cup of tea and sit at the computer procrastinating about creating and convincing myself that I will ‘do it tomorrow’ as I am going to go to sleep soon.
Yeh, right! Nup!
I continue to sit at the computer until after midnight most nights. Feeling guilty and worried that I will be tired and grumpy in the morning.
I am learning, you see. How to build my creative business.
The only thing is that I am too damned tired to create.
Thanks to some wonderful people that are sharing some fantastic art resources and ideas, I am abuzz with creativity in my mind. However, at the moment, I cannot forsee a time/day when I will get to play in my studio and explore. I know it will happen. But the frustration in the meantime is wearing.
I do take comfort in knowing that the creative ball of energy I am feeling building up under my heart has to make my art fly up into new territory once it is finally released.
I am looking forward to that day.